Gentlemen.
It looks like we’re in for some nice late-fall weather with plenty of sunshine and warm days. I believe the more acceptable term for this phenomenon is now Guardian Summer. Folks can get out for a walk with the dog, rake some leaves in a T-shirt, get one last kayak run on the lake, and probably get a nice, barbequed steak. It bodes well for tonight’s Oktoberfest celebration. More on that later. Actually, there’s a lot of moron to talk about, so let’s get to it.
It's a great week to take Lassie for a ride in a kayak.
1) The name selected in this week’s TGIF draw was Fred Dobson. Fred’s win is bordering on the statistically impossible. This is the fifth time Fred has won in the past 45 weeks. That’s once every nine weeks (confirmed by The Count Mike Dort). On average, a member should win only once every 93 weeks – an arbitrary number pulled out of the scribe’s arse. Anyway, if Fred wins one more time, he’ll be able to afford a tank of gas. I almost forgot, he won $48.00. As for the draw’s balance…well, it was initially $1.80 over the mark, but Our Mane Man Steve Piggott insisted it was $2.00 but the legal fees brought it to the $1.80. Yet, the $1.80 fee is yet not accounted. Oh, those lawyers. And ours has an undergraduate degree in math!
Steve Piggott counting the draw money.
2) Tonight, will be the Club’s annual Oktoberfest celebration. Plan to arrive in traditional dirndls and lederhosen, though it’s not clear whether either of them will make you feel more (or less) manly. The festivities start around 5:30 with dinner being served shortly after 6:00 pm. The meal will consist of bangers and potatoes, sauerkraut, and, to make it aesthetically pleasing, mashed carrots and turnips. It sounds like an awesome meal for someone who lost their dentures. We will need volunteers to help with the upstairs bar.
Volunteers will be needed to help serve the beer tonight. This poor Bavarian can't do it all.
3) At next Friday’s TGIF, Steve MacDonald and his posse will finally serve-up Sunday gravy and meatballs smothering an unknown pasta, complimented by $5.00 Manhattans. Steve will probably postpone it again, just so he can keep getting mentioned in the weekly roundup.
Expectations are high for next week's TGIF.
4) The monthly meeting in November will be pre-empted by a turkey dinner, and not the traditionally cooked turkey in an oven for six hours. No sir. These birds are getting roasted over an open fire on a spit. Details will be forthcoming over the next few weeks, but volunteers will be required to make the event happen. The cost will be $15 per person and is only open to members.
Who knew Turkey in November had two meanings?
5) The annual President’s Christmas Reception will be held on Wednesday, December 18th. Come celebrate all the great things Gus’s Vichy government has implemented over the past year. This event will be open to members, spouses, partners, widows, and special guests. A financial donation yo Margaret's House is encouraged.
You never know when an Owl will swoop down at Margaret's House.
6) Moose Milk. Oh boy. True ugliness is rarely displayed more prominently than the hours immediately following the members (and their guests) consumption of that covens’ brew. So, mark the TGIF on Friday, December 20th as the day you battle the bête noire of potent potables. You will not feel good on Saturday, so don’t plan for any last-minute Christmas shopping.
You MUST properly prepare for Moose Milk!
7) He’s off the list. Liam Payne, one fifth of the boy band One Direction (Club Mathematician Dave Gibson says that’s about 30%), passed away this past Wednesday in Buenos Aires. Apparently, Liam jumped off a third-floor balcony and immediately realized there was only one direction. Cause of death was listed as SDS (sudden-deceleration syndrome). Toxicology reports from the Argentinian authorities found a mix of vanilla ice cream, milk, rum, vodka, Kahlua, and Bailey’s in his system. At the TGIF on December 20th, the doors to the deck in the Members Lounge will be off limits.
8) Due season is on the way. It’s not too early to think about paying your Club dues, especially if you’re looking to pay with installments over a few months.
Time to inject some cash into the Club.
9) Birthday Boys recap. There was a reasonable crowd on Tuesday, but still not the same as the glory days of the 2010’s.
Joe Zareski, Jake Risk, Mike Lawlor celebrate Birthday Boys as Peter Bugden photobombs the picture.
Ah, that's better!
10) Health and Wellness. 40 days and 40 nights. No, not the 1956 song by Muddy Waters, but Howard Court who has been away from the Club for that long. There’s some good news from Howard as he’s been able to climb a set of stairs, which is awesome because he spent the first 82 years of his life falling down the stairs. Butch Milne had a bit of a setback this week but is still in good spirits (something Howard enjoys). We wish both Howard and Butch a speedy recovery and hope to see them at the Club soon.
11) Spotted Owls. It was great to see Russ Brannon at the Club yesterday, though he was there to attend the bar – where, like his music, he was in-tune. The Club is looking forward to seeing John Hayden for his bar duty on January 24th, 2025.
12) It was a difficult week for many Club members. Firstly, condolences go out to Gary MacNeil and his family on the passing of his father, Brian MacNeil, this past Thursday afternoon. There will be a visitation on Tuesday morning, October 22nd at Mattatall’s Funeral Home on Portland Street at 10:00 am followed by a service at 11:00 am. Secondly, condolences go out to Sherry Conrad, the aunt of Club member Kim Conrad, on the passing of her husband Keith Conrad, who many may recognize by his nickname “Pick”. Keith passed away Thursday evening at age 93 after a serious illness. Thirdly, there are several Club members whose immediate family members have been hospitalized over the past few weeks and we wish all of them a speedy recovery. Remember one thing folks, life is to be enjoyed - not endured.
13) A big thanks goes out to Mike Currie who provided the money to refurbish the benches on the lawn.
14) A shout-out to Dr. Chester Wyman who provided succulent pepperoni to the members at yesterday’s TGIF. That did not write well. This comes on the heels of the cheesy balls…oh boy…he provided the past few weeks.
Chester knows how to please a group of men.
15) Donnybrook. The Friday afternoon crib games have become a meeting point of rascals, ornery behavior, quarrels, and occasional drunkenness. If Mike Brownlow can’t learn to control himself, he’ll have to learn to play contract bridge.
Mike Brownlow and Bert Loveless have been acting like children lately. A young Paul Dares is in the background.
Errors and Omissions
· A caption to a picture last week read “buck“, and it obviously should have been “back“.
· Technically, the first line of Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust is “Let’s go”.
References
· Lassie was (is?) a famous collie dog originally introduced in 1954. Lassie was portrayed as a female dog, but played by a male paving the way for Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire.
Hard to believe this is both Rainman and the young guy sleeping with Anne Bancroft in The Graduate.
· The Vichy government was formed in the early stages of the Second World War in hopes of allowing France to retain its sovereignty. Unfortunately, it quickly grew to be sympathetic to the Nazis. Just to be clear, Gus is NOT a Nazi!
· A bête noire, translated in English to black beast, is an adversary for which an entity cannot find a means to victory. Nowadays, it is most referenced in sport where a player or team cannot achieve a triumph. The most notable bête noire is any opponent of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
A couple of Leafs checking their tee times for the next day.
· The term Donnybrook is an Irish term derived from the unruly behavior of the participants at the town of Donnybrook’s annual fair that was held from the 12th Century to the mid-1800’s. Since then, the Irish just drink Guinness and sulk.
All for now.
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