Gentlemen.
Credence Clearwater Revival once asked the question “Have you ever seen the rain?” As we live in Nova Scotia, I would say “Yes, I’ve seen the bloody rain!” And every Saturday I see the bloody rain! We don’t live in say, San Diego or the Algarve in Portugal where the beautiful sunshiny days are met with the odd, and welcomed, rain shower. It’s getting bad. Even Howard Court is less mouldy than the seawall (more on that later). Anyway, I wish Gary MacNeil would stop doing his stupid rain dance every weekend (or is he just shaking out the crabs?). I just want a day where I can get plastered on my patio instead of in my dining room. I’m worked up, and some guys are gonna pay for it! Let’s get to it.
1) The Marshall did not visit the Club this week which was great news for 94 of the 95 members, but bad news for Doug Marshall whose name was selected in this week’s TGIF draw. Unfortunately, this was not one of Doug’s semi-annual visits, so he was not signed in nor present and did not collect the $91.00 prize. He was counting on that money to buy his partner, Lorraine, some beautiful second-hand negligee from Gus Claveau’s favorite store, Frenchy’s. On a positive note, the boys balanced the kitty once again. Thirty-six signed in and $72.00 in the pot.
2) Spotted Owls (adjective addition). Matt Lohnes recently returned from a trip to Europe and while in Ronda, Spain picked up beautiful ceramic mosaic owl for the Club. There are already odds on the person who will most likely smash it on the floor.
The newest member of the Owls Club family.
The latest Proline odds on who will smash the ceramic owl.
3) Spotted Owls (verb addition). It was nice to see Ashley Merrick at the Club at Thursday’s monthly meeting. Ashley is recovering from an operation he had a few weeks back and is still on the mend.
4) The seawall (dock) project has been completed and is now the go-to toilet for the local Canadian geese. Many thanks to all the guys that put in the time and effort to get the job done. You’re number one. The geese – number two.
A Canada Goose drops his payload over the Owls Club seawall.
5) A big thanks goes out to Dave Dingwell for bringing pizza to this Friday’s TGIF.
Who wore it better, Gary Carter or Gus Claveau?
6) This Monday, July 8th, is the annual golf tournament and all tee-offs will commence between 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm. When asked his handicap, Daivd Zareski responded “my hip, my ankle, and my knee.” Not to be outdone, Gus Claveau responded “mon bras, mon épaule et mon poignet.” Finally, Elaine Featherby responded, “everything above Jim’s thighs, and below his bellybutton.”
Unfortunately, this golfer won't be joining us on Monday.
7) “♫How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now♫” No wishing for Steve Piggott as he’s attending the Johnnie Cochrane Memorial Jamboree in the aforementioned Sherbrooke this weekend.
8) Poor Don Ellis thought the toilet backed-up at the Club yesterday, but as it turned out, Chester Wyman brought his “famed” pickled eggs to the Club for consumption on Friday. And Chester also gave a brief history of the name “Austenville” at the monthly meeting on Thursday. When Chester mentioned that the original name of the area between Victoria Road and Maple Street was Nanny Goat Hill, the membership let out a collective “ewe”. “No”, said Chester. “That’s not the word for a female goat.” The members then did their best Homer Simpson and said “Doe”. “Correct” said Chester.
There are some Club members more attracted to this lass than the golfer in the previous picture.
9) Speaking of goat, er gout, apparently several of the Club members have experienced the unpleasantness of the said affliction. When asked if she ever experienced the pain that the men at the Club experience with gout, an unnamed wife and mother exclaimed “Did you ever shit a cantaloupe?” We’re good with gout.
10) Monday, August 5th is Natal Day and Gord Hayward is still looking for at least seven volunteers to help with the parade. If volunteers do not come forward, Gord will commence with conscription, a practice not seen in Canada since the First World War. The sign-up sheet is on the bulletin board in the Members Lounge. We also need volunteers for the events of that day at the Club. Bartenders, barbeque chefs, and people to help with the set-up and clean-up are required.
11) This month’s birthday party will be held on Tuesday, July 16th. A reminder that the turnouts have been somewhat suspect lately. So, get down to the Club, have a beer, enjoy some music, and eat some food.
Most smart phones allow a person to schedule an event, like...say...Birthday Boys.
Errors and Omissions
Club Grammarian Don Ellis has been like the Maytag Repairman recently.
References.
· Credence Clearwater Revival, often simply called CCR, was a folk-rock band from the late 1960’s and early 1970’s fronted by John Fogerty, whose song “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” hit number 8 in 1971.
· “How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now” is a line form Stan Rogers’ song Barrett’s Privateers.
· The Maytag Repairman was a character in 1960’s and 70’s commercials for Maytag appliances. He often competed with Mr. Clean for the affection of stay-at-home moms.
All for now.
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